Every loving pet parent who’s lost a beloved pet knows “their” day. That day when their heart was ripped out of their body because of the death of a precious, loved pet.
April 21st is that day for me. When I wake up, I feel different. The day feels like a fog has set in on my entire being. My heart is especially heavy.
That day, thirteen years ago, started early as Mico was to go into surgery for lung cancer. It had been a long battle and we were finally here. In my mind, I truly believed that we would do the surgery and miraculously she would be back to her puppy-like self. We would return to the old normal of the happy times. This nasty sickness that she’d been fighting against would be gone and we could resume our normal life. The cancer had taken control over our lives for far too long.
Unfortunately, the old normal never returned. In fact, she never woke up. I’ve never written down this part of her story… Throughout her surgery, the doctor kept us updated on how she was doing and she was handling the procedure like the little boss she was. Nailing it! The doctor came out for what should’ve been the final time to let us know that they had gotten all they could, however, there was still a bit left that would need treatment. “I will drive her to the end of the earth for that” I shouted! We were close to that old normal. Some car rides to specialists for treatment? Wow! A small price to pay for the old normal! We would make those drives however many times a week we needed to and we’d fix her up perfectly.
The doctor shouldn’t have come out again, but she did. This time she came to tell us that Mico was not waking up from the surgery and we had to make a decision. They’d tried every life-saving measure to no avail. They were the brains for us and allowed me to come back one more time while she was still alive for my final words.
The clarity and peace didn’t obviously happen for me at that moment. I know later, when I looked back and was searching for that peace, this was her way of telling me “I’m tired Mommy. Let me go.” As usual, she handled this HER way. So like her!
Oh do I remember the vivid details of all of that day like it just happened.
Just like I’m sure you remember yours too.
RIP, Mico. It’s been thirteen years, some days a lifetime ago, some days just yesterday.
But, I am a better person because of you.
RIP, Sweet Baby Girl
Written by: Coleen Ellis